BeHereNow

what a week i have had. in a very very good and enlightening way.
went to see ray lamontange on friday night; it was an impromptu seeing, as i bought the ticket that afternooon... AMMMAZING!!! wowzola. major celeb-crush on the skinny legged, bearded man.

and then, the other biggie (after coming off the london buzz and ray love-fest high) was 'SEE Fest', the Brighton Documentary Festival over the weekend. i won't go too into my mental musings or soul crescendos, but, 'i see the light, i see the light, i see the light.' mandy was right, it takes a while to find yourself in a place you're living & also these past weeks (since getting back in jan) have definitely been my hardest so far... but maybe i don't actually hate england, afterall. sometimes we hold so tightly, so dearly to comforting assumptions, even of ourselves to avoid shattering truths ... i love texas, and all that waits for me there, but the gifts this cold cold ground has given me, are priceless. i have finally (i think) reached the ladder, which will take me up, above the shit in the trenches i tend to circle, to find my place here (and anywhere). i also made contact with some of the film people i didn't even realise existed here (besides my own Uni posse that is)... there's an incredibly rich community of docu filmmakers here, making remarkable, beautiful, meaningful art. (yay for me!)

"of these busted cut-throat sun sets, cold and damp gray mornings, i had grown weary...
(but) i've looked my demons in the eyes
said do your best to destroy me.
i've been to hell and back so many times
you kinda bore me.
theres a lot of things i don't understand
but here i stand, and here i'll stay." (rl & cl)